Blog Prelude

I know this is risky. I’m not convinced that this is the best course of action ... but here goes nothing.

I started a blog. Yeah, that was fashionable about 5 years ago, but if my wardrobe was only 5 years behind, I’d be about 10 years more current than I am.


Tash has been asking me to do this for awhile, and I’ve got a number of great reasons why it’s not a good idea, so I’ve delayed until now. I’m finding some solace in writing – not because I’m particularly good at it, but because it’s a release. I struggle sleeping, with a number of things weighing on me – and I’m really hoping that writing will help with all that. It has on a number of occasions in the last 3 years.

So, all of that explains why I would write – but not why I’d start a blog and tell you about it. And that’s where the risk is. But I have hope that there’s something to gain. Let me explain.

I don’t think this is news to any of you who know us well, but, here it goes: I’ve changed. We’ve changed. And, looking back over the last 3 years, the change does not appear to have been subtle. And, believe it or not, we think it is a very good thing, perhaps to your horror (unless you already thought we were morons, in which case you can be excited that we’re now different morons). And it’s just not as easy as me listing out the ways we’ve changed. There are some problems with doing that. Firstly, it’s not that simple. Nothing is. And secondly, I might offend all my potential readers by making such a simple list and not providing the background on what has taken us there.

And therein lies the problem. This is complicated. Nobody – and I mean nobody - actually knows what’s happened to us. Some of you know a few details, but that’s all. Nobody knows why we’ve changed. The few conversations that we’ve had have been derailed by immaturity (that would be me) and distraction. It seems impossible to enter any level of depth in expressing what’s happened to us over the last 3 years without being diverted into some sort of “issue” that apparently needs debating. We express our thoughts on church (which, if you didn’t know, doesn’t regularly exist in our lives – at least in the Sunday morning sense of the term “church”) – and we get drilled about how wrong that is, how it is hurting our kids, how the Bible says such and such. And that’s nobody’s fault. It just happens. If we break the mould, and step out of the box, we need to expect to have to defend ourselves. Maybe I’m just upset that I’m not very good at it. Defining where we’re at on a journey is not an easily defensible legal position.

But the frustration is more due to the fact that, since these conversations always seem to end in debate about the rightness or wrongness of our chosen path, nobody ever gets to the depth of understanding why we think the way we do. Nobody understands what has taken place in our lives. Nobody knows that our faith means more to us now than it ever has or that we’re trying to take Scripture far more seriously than ever before. And, far more important than that, that we’re trying to take Jesus more seriously than ever before. Believe it or not, from where we sit, that has forced changes in the way we think (and hopefully the way we act, if we ever mature). The choice, for me personally, was to change or walk away from my faith altogether. Staying where I was no longer made sense from any perspective (biblical, practical, or otherwise). There’s a lot more to that story.

I’m hoping that a blog is a way to open up our world little by little. To give a window into how we approach things and what has impacted us. We’ve been wrestling through so many things – thinking, reading, listening, pleading. And it would be nice for you to be aware of some of it – not so that we can convince you, but more so that you can know us a little better. We find ourselves in a place where it’s hard to have real relationships when we’re hiding ourselves. And we have to hide ourselves to avoid serious confrontation.

We’re not under any illusion – we’re not out to convince you. Three years ago, I was dragged kicking and screaming out of my world of certainty, doctrinal purity, and whatever else characterized my life, into this world of unanswered questions and undiscovered complexity. I’m happy with my current location on the journey, but the path that has been travelled between 2007 and now has been extremely painful – and one I never would have chosen and one no one could have convinced me to take. I realize that I’m slipping between my use of “I” and “we”. Both are true and relevant. This has very much been a family journey – especially since the kids have inspired much of it. But there are certain personal things I experienced that can only be shared from my perspective. Perhaps, in time, I can convince Tash to share from her perspective.

I desperately hope that this won’t be perceived as self promotion. I’m perfectly fine with promoting my business – but I find great discomfort in promoting my intestines. Whenever I have had conversations about these things and spilled some of my guts, I always feel exposed. It’s that feeling I used to get in my dreams, when I’d show up at school and take off my snow-pants, horrified to find out that I forgot to put on my pants - and nobody is ever as impressed as I think they should be. That’s the feeling I get when I talk about this stuff.

Sorry for the length of this intro. It just seemed like I need to lay some groundwork. Maybe I’ll put this as a post somewhere on the blog. But there are a few more things I should mention.

- I haven’t really promoted this blog. I’m not trying to exclude anyone – it’s just that I don’t think many (if any) people actually want to read this. So, if there’s something I happen to write that would be of interest to someone else, please pass it along. I’m not trying to keep it private in the protective sense.

- I can guarantee that, on occasion, I will write with some emotion. I may write bluntly based on how I think and feel. Pretend perfection is some of what I hate the most about Christian culture. I’ll assume you catch my drift. Sorry if that offends you.

- I’m not trying to pick a fight. You might completely disagree with me, which is perfectly fine – I’m probably wrong. Feel free to share your thoughts, as I am – we just both need to remember we’re not going to win an argument. I’d love it if you made me think.

- I make no commitment on how often I’ll update this. Sometimes I won’t write for awhile (especially given the seasonality of what I do). But I do hope to share with you some video/podcasts/books that have impacted us severely (2009 was good for that, if little else). And that takes a little less time. And, quite honestly, maybe this whole thing just has a short shelf-life. If I manage to either communicate everything I’d like to in a short time (or offend all potential readers in a short time), then I might just wrap it up.

- no matter how bad my judgment appears as I write about faith and life, please remember that my tax judgment is outstanding. That hasn’t changed. If it wasn’t obvious – that was a joke.

I titled the blog “Making Sense?”. It was 4am when I picked the title – cut me some slack. It seemed like a good way to summarize things for us. Trying to make sense of things that no longer seem so simple. Short simple Sunday school answers and systematic theologies all tied up in a perfectly understood bow just couldn’t handle the questions I had. Who knew that an immeasurable God couldn’t be contained by my formerly brilliant theologies? Certainly not me…

Feel free to let me know what you think.